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Sex, It Takes Conviction
By Linda Yohannes

Sex, probably the most ancient activity of the human race, as primitive as hunting and the thinking that rain is an expression of God's wrath. But, here we are, scores of thousands of years later, still shying away from the subject. What's the big deal? Sure I realize it is an especially private matter, but not so private that it should hinder parents from discussing it with their adolescents and couples among themselves and thereby creating enormous misunderstanding, over and under estimation of the subject and of course creating enormous number of STDs!

I want to congratulate those who continue to be prude throughout their youth and don't think that those dirty jokes are remotely funny. It's not exactly more dirty jokes that I'm referring to when I talk about more openness about sex.

Ethiopia is a home of many conservative and pious cultures and traditions but not necessarily all have to be cherished, unfortunately, it is some of these beloved cultures of ours that are the evils behind our poverty and rampant epidemics. Youngsters considered ineligible for sex talk and severe indirectness about one's opinions and position on sex within dating couples are tokens of our rather harmful traditions.

No exception myself, I live with the consequences of being taught sex is a taboo and not a pleasurable, one-of-a -kind gift from God for those who enjoy it within the right boundaries. It took me a conscious hard work against the dogma to be able to say "No, I don't want to have sex" instead of giving endless excuses not to have sex. Discussion about sex at home is still a major challenge, even after waking up to the facts, I still feel unnatural talking about sex-related issues with younger siblings.

My advice is simple. Be clear. If you're a virgin determined to remain so until after marriage (good for you by the way), be very articulate about the why part of it. Why do you want to stay a virgin? Why after marriage? Why not now? and so forth. Because if all you do is just hold on to the 'no sex before marriage' cliché, repeating like a parrot what you've been told and when challenged on "sexually incompatibility will break your marriage, you need to go for a test drive before you buy a car", you go mute, then let me tell you, you won't last a virgin for long. You will give in to one smooth-talker who insists on now. But if you have a thorough talk with yourself, set clear and defendable principles as to why you will not have sex now, l then you'll make it.

And if you're a non-virgin, [You didn't lose your virginity, you know exactly where you left it J], with perhaps only a single sexual experience, or a sexual relationship with a single person or you've been sexually active with a number of people and you want to be safe and comfortable with your sex life, I think the same advice of being clear and verbal about your wants is key. You have to be able to communicate with your partner, what you want and don't want in sex. Whether it is a question of using condoms, getting tested not only for HIV but other STDs, if you're uneasy about any sexual act during sex with your partner, if you want to discontinue having sex for a period of time without breaking the relationship for a certain reason, the list goes on, whatever concerns and discontentment you are facing, you need to be honest about it and seek communication. I should add here, your partner should also welcome the dialogue to work on whatever that's bothering you. That's what more than friends are for.

Last but of course not least, if you are sooo not a virgin, and you are actually a promiscuous type when it comes to sex, I think the 'be clear' rule applies to you too. Sex, in my opinion is one of the most creative ideas of God. I mean, what genius would come up with such a gratifying blending of the two sexes, whereby climax pleasure is experienced and as a result, the most resourceful creation is thereby conceived? Sex, is a very emotively charged aspect of life and to experience it with dozens, sadly, degrades its divine nature and completely distorts its very essence. Studies show that people can be sexually promiscuous because of some psychological conditions such as to fulfill a great neediness of attention and/or validation. Therefore, search inside of you in an attempt to understand why you are the way you are. What exactly drives you to being sexually active with numerous people? Could it be that you're trying to find approval and acceptance through these experiences? I am not a psychologist and can't say what is what, but what I can say from experience is that many answers and solutions and keys to our problems and questions are usually found inside of us if we only have the eye to look.

So, that's it. I've been a big mouth about sex and I think you should be too. Our society is hungry for some honest talk about sex! Feed it by talking to your partner, your children, your siblings and anyone that needs to hear from you to have a better understanding on the facts about sex! Take care. Am out!

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